Jayne Taking a presidential approach to column writing

Sep 19, 2019 ijtbcwii

first_img I write the best columns. Nobody writes better columns than I do. They’re huge; they’re beautiful; everybody loves my columns. Believe me.You already knew that. I have written about it before. Over and over again. So often that some people are tired of all the winning. Last time I wrote this, a reader sent me an email saying, “You wrote that before.” So I challenged them to an IQ test and said, “I can tell you who is going to win.”Because that’s what great columnists do. They lash out like an infant. They belittle people. It’s a sign of strength, which is something I discovered when I was 4. Most people outgrow this, but not columnists. They call critics “Liddle” or “Lyin’ ” or “Crooked” because columnists have all the best insults. And there’s no better insult than covfefe.Except for “Rocket Man.” I like that one. It’s so clever that I used it again and again and again. Even in formal settings with very important people. One time, I was giving a very important speech in front of very, very important people, big people, and I said, “Major portions of the world are in conflict, and some, in fact, are going to hell.” Because columnists have to be diplomatic.I also said “Rocket Man,” ha ha. I think I invented that one, because Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it’s cold as hell, and there’s no one there to raise them, if you did. Greg Jayne, Opinion page editorlast_img

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